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Egoboo

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Maybe I'm not "getting" Egoboo. People laud it as a fun dungeon-crawler, but even on my second return to this game (I played it years ago), I still haven't found anything that will keep me playing this boring, unintuitive RPG. I'll admit that the graphics are pretty good for a freeware game; It has some cartoony and lighthearted 3D artwork, but that's about all you will find on my pro list.

The game is made up of different "modules" which are mini-adventures often involving killing a specific enemy or destroying an enemy invasion. I tried around 5 or so and all of them were disappointing. Your starting character is always pathetically weak, has crappy weapons, and the goal is vague. You'll find yourself wandering around aimlessly looking for keys to grab and buttons to push, opening more paths to nothing. The stories are non-existent, with only a few sentences explaining the situation.

The weapon variety isn't very great (at least from what I experienced) and each battle boils down to running up to an enemy, attacking him, hoping you've stunned him, and attacking some more. You'll die a ton because fighting is mostly tit-for-tat, but that's OK because dying doesn't seem to bear any penalties.

You can have up to 4 players in a single game on a single machine, as there isn't any support for network games, which can make things very awkward. The control scheme simply requires too many buttons for four players. Each character can hold an item in either hand, yet each hand requires 3 keys to use it. One key to attack, one key to drop/pick up, and one key to put the item in your pocket. This means you have 6 keys to control your hands and another 4 to control movement. Do the math: you'll use 40 keys if you want 4 players.

The sound is nothing to write home about... unless you're telling your sweetheart about the instance where the enemy mosquitoes and their buzzing sound glitched into a broken-record effect (complete with sounds of you slashing them) until you became so bored and annoyed that you quit the game and had to write a review about it.

The only reason Egoboo isn't rated a 1 is because its graphics are 3D and they're not that bad. Overall, though, I highly suggest you do NOT play this game.